What To Do If He’s Not Moving Forward…
Have you ever been in a relationship situation with a man where you’re not happy, he’s not stepping up in the way you’d like, he’s not willing to commit, you still love him, you feel insecure, and you don’t know what to do?
Have you ever felt you only had two options – one option to just stay, with things exactly as they are and hope it’ll get better, or the other option – to leave?
I’d been there so many times before I figured out how this all works. I went through this with the man who has been my husband now for nineteen years.
And THERE IS another option.
There is another way – The Rori Raye Third Way – to go about transforming the relationship you have into the one you want.
Here’s the kind of letter I get often:
I hope you can help me – here’s the short version… My boyfriend and I’ve been together for 1 1/2 years. He loves me, I love him, both feel it very much. It will be 2 years soon. I want to get married sometime within the next year (sooner the better) but he feels that he needs “more time” to feel 120% on marrying me. But he can’t give me the exact time he needs (months, days, years).
He says he can see himself marrying me one day but is not ready now. He is 40, never been married, no kids. We are butting heads on this. And he says that bringing up this subject every month (for the past three months) puts him off.
I’m feeling that I’m not good enough for him if he doesn’t already know by now that he wants to marry me. AND that we can’t even talk about it. I mean how long does it have to take? We see each other regularly, we live close by each other, no mystery on how we would do living together.
I thought I could wait maybe 3 more months, but I’ve been lying to myself and can’t wait until then. So, I’ve been depressed and angry towards him for the past couple of months. I am to the point where I just can’t go on like this anymore.
I know if I end it I’ll have to take the risk of losing him completely. What do I do?
I’m afraid that if I leave, I’ll be leaving a really good thing – he’s a great guy, I know he’ll be a great husband when he gets there, and we get along great (except for this)- and, of course, I love him. I’m afraid that’s really hard to find.
But maybe he’s just a dead-end and he’s a committment-phobe! Should I break it off or just give him more “time”? I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. Please help!
Thank you, “Between”
Have you ever felt like this, or are you in a situation like this now?
Let’s get now to my answer to “Between.”
I’d be happy to help you – and I believe I can. There is another way to go with this other than sticking it out or leaving. This Rori Raye Third Option is working for many of my clients – you’ll be able to tell very quickly whether or not it’ll work for you.
The core of my work is to help you draw a man emotionally closer to you, so he’ll instinctively move the relationship ahead more quickly all by himself.
We draw men to us by being utterly authentic and utterly vulnerable, and we are authentic and vulnerable when we are in our bodies and feelings rather than in our heads.
This requires having very strong boundaries, and understanding what being authentic, vulnerable, and having boundaries looks and sounds like.
Demonstrating that we have boundaries conveys confidence and belief in ourselves – (and you can do this even if you’re shaking inside).
Following and speaking from your feelings conveys several things: One, you are the feeling person in the relationship, and you expect and honor that he will do the thinking, and two, you cherish your own feelings, and expect him to cherish them also.
It also gives him the space to access your feelings, your softness, and to move closer to you no matter how scared he is. Both you, and the relationship with it, become softer.
As strange as it sounds, heartbreak is easy. We’re used to getting dumped. We’re used to leaving. We’re used to not having what we want.
Really think about it – what would it look like, and how would it feel if you could have the relationship you want? Chances are, though the fantasy may feel wonderful, it also feels a little scary.
We’re all so frightened of really being intimate with someone, we’ve all figured out over our whole lives how to speak to men in ways that actually keep them at a distance. How to use our bodies in ways that push them away rather than draw them in.
This Third Option requires that you pretty much reverse everything you’ve been doing up to now! That means making all kinds of changes in yourself – the way you think, the way you speak, the way you move.
It’s about dropping all the old patterns of behavior that have been getting you nowhere, and beginning to just be in a completely new way.
Sincerely, Rori Raye
This lovely woman became my client, and in a few short months moved from desperate, clingy, furiously angry, and nearly paralyzed with fear to feeling almost blasè, about her relationship with her boyfriend.
The result is that he moved closer and closer. (I’ll tell you how it all worked out as we goalong.)
This is one of the many success stories I’llbe sending in installments, along with the exact and advice I gave in each individual
***If you’d like to experience the one-on-one work with me that Between received without the cost of becoming a client, you’ll want to listen to mewalking and guiding you through my latest Tools and Conversations With Men scenarios in my Heart Connection Toolkit CD set.
It will make you feel better, stronger, and help you connect on a deeper level with ANY man. (You can have it completely risk-free – it has a 30 day Trial Offer.) To listen to a bit of it right now, go here:
Here are some beginning concepts and tools for you to try out. I know they will help you. Let me know how they’re working for you – you could be my next success story!
You will hear me talk a lot about The Energy Exchange in a relationship.
It works like this: Literally, if one person in a relationship is leaning forward, physically, emotionally, or energetically, the other person is
This explains how, when we move toward a man, he seems to back off.
Although I’ll be talking about this in greater detail through these letters, you can make a huge change in your love life the moment you finish reading this by simply Leaning Back.
Physically lean back.
Step back with one foot to anchor yourself. Actually move backwards, inviting a man to walk forward toward you. Notice how different this feels than leaning forward. Try it.
When you’re having dinner with a man – instead of sitting forward while you’re talking and listening, lean back in your chair.
If you’re at a party – instead of being friendly and walking around the room looking to begin a conversation, stand in the center of the room and lean back.
You will be shocked by what happens. All of a sudden men will walk up to you. Your date will lean forward across the table.
It’s all about the Energy Exchange. It’s about giving a man the space to come toward you. It’s about inviting a man in, rather than reaching out for him.
Practice this with anyone, anywhere, and see how it works.
You may find yourself backing up slowly until you’re backed up to a wall!